-Aren’t you all totally stoked?

Sean, I will epically slap you into next week. Literally. Gah, I just threw up in my mouth a little for typing like such a douchebag. Stop making me do that, dude. F’real.

-Also overly misused: African-American.

-Hey “Anonymous” shit talker, how about you “grow some fucking balls” and post your name so I know who I’m calling a dumbass.

-Oh, I mean, I have your IP address (69.235.37.16 ) , but I’d rather see if you actually own up to your misinformed comments.

-Ah fuck it, gimme a minute, I have to rant.

1. I hate the power that internet anonymity gives to creeps. They’ll talk shit all day long so long as they don’t actually have to take any rap for it, which is so weak. If talking shit is so awesome, why not own up to it?

2. What the hell have you done that gives you the right to criticize anyone? And why do you think anyone cares what you have to say? When you are mashing the keypad with your chubby, poop covered hooves does it ever occur to you that when you hit send that someone else will have to read your asinine drivel?

3. Way to completely miss the point of everything. I mean, Donny can defend himself, but I’m gonna pipe up and say that I'm fairly certain Donny’s intention is not to “bare his soul,” but I bet that if he actually wanted to bare his soul he’d probably just write poetry. Maybe he does write poetry, actually, but I bet he doesn’t have time to right now because he’s flying around the country on a motherfucking book tour.

4. Art has nothing to do with sincerity.

5. Not liking a certain kind of art is like disliking a certain kind of music. Just because you don’t like banjo music* or jazz doesn’t dismiss it as music altogether, dipshit. Arguing art is like arguing music (or whether or not you like crunchy peanut butter, or soda pop flavors, or the smell of patchouli). It’s a matter of taste and aesthetics. No matter how silly I think the cookie monster voice is in metal songs or how immature and boring punk rock is, I will never get Dave to admit that I’m right and his music is weird. He’s gonna go to his grave thinking that the Sex Pistols actually wrote more than one song during their short, boring career and he’ll never really appreciate Phyllis Dillon. But oh fucking well, that’s just life.

6. What do balls have to do with talent?

7. As Dave said: “his [Donny] lack of sincerity is worth millions of dollars and frankly, it’s nice to look at.” ZING.

8. Frowny face emoticons are faggier than bad art and Dali moustaches.

-So the lesson of that day is that amateur art critics are really bad at life in general and should probably cut their hands off so they’ll never bother anyone with their insipid typing ever again.

-Let’s get on to more awesome things though. I just got back from NYC where I had the pleasure of attending Mr.  and Mrs. Chris Nieratko’s wedding. It was awesome and gorgeous and I sorta cried when Chris danced with his mom. I’m also still full of food. There was so much food it was sinful. For real. Chris was raised Catholic and gluttony is a sin, so we’re all going straight to hell for that epic (note the correct usage. synonyms for epic include: marathon, ambitious, grand, larger-than-life, and impressive) feast.

-There was also an Elvis ice sculpture. Beat that.

-Then we ate more food in NYC, drank a bunch, watched my fucking Germans totally lose to those faggoty French cheaters, and saw some serious art.

-Oh, Dave also took pictures of the Nieratkos on their special day that will soon be made into art. It will be framed and presented to them as a special, arty, wedding gift and on that day I will tell them that the photo was actually shot by me and printed by Dave. Opps, too late. Well… Chris, I know you wanted Dave art, but I think you’re gonna get a picture that I shot with Dave’s little SLR. Hope that’s cool with you. The pictures turned out nice and you’re getting a Carnifeller/Rockenfarnie collaboration. You know I went to art school, right? you can always get Mr. Anonymous to critique it for you. that dude's knows everything about art.

-Anyways... on to the photos of the Chris n' Chris photo shoot.

Here they are in front of some weird Jersey power plant withChris's Cadillac that he bought off of eBay.

I don't know what's going  on in this picture, but I can almost see Crissie's junk so that's cool.

The next two photos were taken by Heather because her camera battery died and she was without her Art-Of-Heather picture machine. Here's Dave taking pictures of the couple while people are riding jet skis.

And there's Pat! Waving!

This is Crissie's monster ring. If anything ever happens to Chris she can hock it and buy a small island in the Bahamas and provide for her six hundred other people forever. I'm not even kidding. Hey Dave, take notes, k?

Settle down, I'm kidding.

Not really.

Well Maybe.

No, seriously. Joking

Just check the ring, okay?

Woah, there's my hot mama, Heather looking all classic and shit. Pat took that photo. I'm gonna send him a copy of it so he can make out with it when she's at derby practice.

- This is how I imagine everyone on a golf course talks. No lie. Wanna know why? Well, because golfers are kooks, a doy! http://thephatphree.com/features.asp?SectionID=2&StoryID=2729&LayoutType=1

-So cuuuuute. http://www.plen.jp/movie.html

-I have come to the conclusion that I don’t much care for “zines.” It took me about ten years (and four cycles of crappy zines that my friends and I made) to make that decision. Oh well. I GREW UP.

-Oh man, I apologize for this link in advance. I just… ugh. Sorry. http://www.infectiousvideos.com/index.php?p=showvid&sid=0398&o=60&idx=17&sb=daily&a=playvid

-The party never stops up in here and I am in perpetual hangover mode. So it’s picturepalooza in a couple of minutes (separate post, because all the pictures just crashed my browser and I’m starting all over.)  for ya’ll because I’m too tired to write anything else.

-I’m gonna go get my super awesome grill dinner set up so I gotta bounce.

-Tomorrow I’ll post more pictures and maybe, if you’re lucky, you’ll get a Kevin Wilkins story. It may or may not be about poop!

 

 

*I would like to note that anyone who don’t like banjo music ain’t no frenna mine.

I've been listening to old timey music alot lately. lots of banjo.
I just shuffle around on the hard wood floors like a grampa.

Wow! I must have proved myself important enough to get a mention in this very awesome and elitist blog. But, I would like to adress your 8 points.

1.
I hate the power that internet blogging gives to people. They'll post blogs all day long as long as they don't actually have to answer for it. That is weak. Weird, how the internet is a public domain, and people post blogs out in public and expect to only gain kudos and high fives. If you don't want to hear shit talkers, don't blog.

2.
I could ask you the same. What the hell have you done to criticize people and things all day long in your blog? You obviously think that people care what you think, otherwise this blog would not exist. People HAVE to read my asinine drivel just as people HAVE to read yours. Right, they DON'T have to. Has that ever occurred to you?

3.
Yes, I completely missed the point. I forgot. In order to get a book tour, you have to be a schlock bull shit phony artist. I missed the point completely.

4.
Not anymore.

5.
Once again, you are right. Tastes in art and music are very similar. You can't dismiss music that you don't like as NOT music. But, we can differentiate shitty music from good music. And, we can differentiate shitty art from good art. Just because a lot of people liked Brittney Spears doesn't mean it was any good.

6.
You wouldn't know.

7.
Britney Spears' albums went multi platinum. ZING!

8.
True.
;)

Wow! That anonymous blogger nailed it on the head! Take note of his comments. All this blog does is criticize. Grow up and get some real problems.

:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(:(
Proves that God looks after babies and DRUNKS~ HOW di Chris rope that woman? Life, at times, is not fair:P