-When Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston split up I thought for sure that there was no hope that any two people in the history of the world could ever keep it together. I mean, if two gorgeous, rich people can't hang do you think average people struggling with stress and babies and money have a chance? And now my least favorite little piggy on the face of the earth is splitting with her talentless beau. Oh Brit Brit, if you can't keep it together, how will there ever be hope for the rest of us?
-Rumour has it, she broke the news to him in a text message. That ugly little spaniel is all class!-Oh wait, ol' Brad teamed up with the most beautiful woman ever born and they had (what has the potential to be) the most beautiful kid ever born (it's just genetics, people. Gorgeous, gorgeous genetics) and they're rich and charitable and gorgeous. Did I already mention gorgeous? Whatever, I feel a lot more hopeful after thinking about them.
-I have come across another reason why dogs are so much better than cats. Like hella kick ass better. You see, when you're so sick that you can't exit the bathroom after doing all you can do in there, a cat will do nothing but harrass you for canned food. He will scream in high a pitched "MRY-OWWW" for you to get your sweaty, shivering ass off of the floor and over to his bowl. A dog, however, will lay down beside you on the bathmat and lick your hand until you're ready to get up and barf again. That's love, people.
-Did you vote? Me and the rest of the cool kids sent our absentee ballots in weeks ago.
-P.S Once again, my friends are awesomer than your friends. Don't try and convince me otherwise because you are wrong. My gang's more gangster than your gang.
-More later. I'm up too early due to some sweet pain pills, but now I'm going back to bed.
-I'll leave you with this. Watch it; It's good.
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