-Dave and I went on a cruise to Mexico. I fucking played bingo and shuffleboard and watched old ladies dance all sexy. It was awesome.

-I started my cruise off with a quick screw and a hot dog and then I finished it with an $800.00 bar tab and a hangover. You don't even know how awesome I can be sometimes. Seriously, you have no idea.

-This picture isn't from our cruise. I just found it online (and I'm stealing it from whatever site it's from because I post from work and I don't care about bandwith or internet manners) and think it's more awesome than any picture we took the entire week. Bam.

-Look at how amazingly coy that chubby dude in the front is. He's all sweaty and pale. Meow!

-Don't think I didn't notice that awesome old dude either. There just isn't enough time in the world to type out all of the jokes. Do your own work for once. Why am I always the one who's gotta make the funny? You guys are so lazy sometimes, f'real. It's unacceptable. Maybe you should go sit in the corner and think about what you did.

-It's almost SXSW time again and I ain't got money for plane tickets because I done spent it on a boat. Lame, dawgs.

-I'm fairly certain the 24 hour free food bonanza on the boat gained me about ten pounds. I bought a scale at Ikea and it is my new worst enemy.

-Ray's been up to redneck activities in the pacific northwest.

-Chris's new shop opened up in Jersey. Go there or be square.

-Whalecock's back. Woot.

-Russell is surely up to something sinister, but it doesn't consist of bothering me, so I'm just gonna let that dog lie.

-Whitey sent us three bottles of hot sauce (two after one broke all over the other ones in the mail) and a bottle of Future cologne. It smells like the future.

-Valentine's day is comin' up. ya'll. Better get someone something or whatever. If you don't have a someone, don't be one of those bitter assholes who's all anti-Valentine's Day. No one is actually PRO Valentine's day, it's just an excuse to hump and kiss and stuff so just let people do that without announcing to the world that you're too much of a loser to have someone that lets them stick your dick into them (or that wants to stick their dick into you. Whatever. Geeze, no wonder you don't have a dude, you uptight old cow).

-Just kidding, babies.

-What'd ya'll do on your summer vacation?